Cid's Monkey
by Kate Barancik
Summary: Cid finds a new friend. Kinda.


Cid's Monkey

Disclaimer: You know everything in this story? Well, guess what. Chances are I don't own them. Except for Seth, he belongs to me.   
Summary: Cid finds a new friend. Kinda.   
Rating: How does PG sound to everyone?   
  
  
  


~The Midgar Hotel-Everyone present and accounted for~   
Cloud: Okay, first order of business: we kill Seth.   
Seth: Hey!   
Cid: Dammit, Cloud, how many times do I have to tell you that if you keep saying these things in front of everyone then they'll all know who did it.   
Aeris: You're not really going to kill Seth, are you?   
Cloud: Ofcourse not (winks at Cid).   
Vincent: Our real first order of business is whether or not we should go to Shinra's new lab.   
Yuffie: Shinra has a new lab?   
Seth: Where did you think I've been going all this time?   
Yuffie: The bathroom. I was starting to think there was something wrong with you. You know, since you didn't come out for 12 hours.   
Vincent: Darling, you are really starting to scare me.   
~Enter Reeve~   
Reeve: Okay, I've got good news and bad news.   
Seth: What's the good news?   
Reeve: We got the monkey's from Junon.   
Tifa: And the bad news?   
Reeve: They escaped.   
All: What?!!   
Aeris: You mean to tell me there are seven maonkies wondering around the city?   
Reeve: Pretty much.   
Cloud: This looks like a job for (louder) SUPERMAN!   
~Cid leans over and whispers into Cloud's ear~   
Cloud: Oh, yeah. We can't fly. I meant Avalanche   
Reeve: Three's even more bad news.   
Yuffie: What now?   
Reeve: The monkeys won't attack women because woman have never zapped them with cattle prods. Any takers?   
Yuffie: Not even   
Tifa: Icky, monkeys. I don't think so.   
Aeris: Hey, I died. What more do you want from me?   
~Aeris looks at Cloud~   
Cloud: Don't give me that look. Just because I did it once, doesn't mean I'll do it again.   
Barret: I'd rather eat all the materia in the world.   
Vincent: No.   
Cid: I vote for Seth.   
Seth: No, no, no!   
Reeve: Why don't you both do it?   
Cid: Why don't I stick this spear right up your a-   
Aeris: Cid! Both of you will do it.   
Seth (wispering to Aeris): When the hell did you turn against me?   
Aeris: Since you forgot my birthday.   
Cloud (quietly to himself): I didn't forget her birthday.   
Seth: For the love of everything, I brought you back form the dead!   
Vincent: Shouldn't we get going?   
Cloud: No, let them fight it out. Maybe she'll kill him.   
~Later-Cid and Seth on a lonely street~   
Seth: Hey, Cid?   
Cid: Yeah?   
Seth: Does this dress make me look fat?   
Cid: If you dare ask me that again, I swear to the Lifestream they'll never find your body.   
Seth: Sorry.   
Cid: I saw something.   
~Out of the shadows comes a small brown monkey~   
Seth: We found one!   
Monkey: Hello.   
Cid: AAHHHHHHHHH! It talked. Shoot it.   
Seth: One: I can't shoot it, I don't have a gun and B: it's supposed to talk. That's why we wanted Junon to send them over.   
Cid: Ok. What's it's name?   
Monkey: My name is Mojo. Buenos nochas. (Author: Sorry for the hideous Spanish)   
Cid (to Seth): What the hell did he just say. (To Mojo) Did you just call me a hobo?   
Seth: No he said, "Good evening." I think.   
Mojo: How do you do, gentlemen?   
Cid: You know we're guys?   
Mojo: Yes   
Cid: All right! So long, bra!   
~Cid rips off the bra he is wearing under his shirt~   
Seth: You know you didn't have to wear one of those.   
Mojo: Maybe he needed to support his saggy man boobs.   
Cid: You son of a bitch!   
~Cid begins to punch Mojo~   
Seth: Cid, we need him. Don't kill him.   
Cid: But he said-   
Seth: Yes, I know what he said. We all had a good laugh at it.   
Cid: You were laughing at my saggy man boobs!   
Seth (scared): Not me. Everyone else.   
~Cid looks around to see no one near them for miles~   
Mojo: Let's just go back to the lab, shall we?   
Seth: You're just going to give up?   
Mojo: Yeah, pretty much.   
~Two weeks later-Seth's lab; Cid, Seth, Mojo, and Aeris present~   
Cid: Is it possible to adopt a monkey?   
Aeris: I think so. Why?   
Seth: He wants to adopt Mojo.   
Mojo: I must confess, I've grown quite attached to Cid.   
Aeris: What do you think, Seth?   
Seth: I have important research still left to do, dear.   
Cid: Please, all you do is make him read books and eat Ho Hos.   
Seth: Hey! There's some Battleship in there, too.   
Aeris: Come on. Let the poor man have your monkey!   
~Just as Aeris says this, Cloud enters. He has obviously taken the gutter view on what Aeris had just said~   
Cloud (to himself): Slowly back out to the hallway.   
~Exit Cloud~   
Seth: Fine, you can have the damn monkey.   
Cid: Woohoo!   
Mojo: Oh, grand.   
~Next day-Avalanche meeting;everyone present except for Cid~   
Tifa: I call this meeting to order.   
Barret: Hey it was my turn to do that, woman.   
Tifa: What did you just call me?   
Cloud: Fight! Quick, somebody go make some popcorn.   
~Before a fight can start, Cid enters, looking haggard~   
Cid: Seth, I hate your monkey!   
Cloud (to himself) Slowly move to the door.   
Cid: Sit your ass down!   
Cloud: Yes, sir.   
Seth: What happened, Cid?   
Cid: What happened? What happened! Your monkey, Seth, that's what happened.   
Aeris: Calm down and tell us what happened.   
~Cid sits, calmer now~   
Cid: Everything was fine. I took Mojo onto the Highwind to take him to Rocktown so I could introduce him to Shera.   
Seth: Flying? He hates flying.   
Cid: That I know. About halfway through the flight, Mojo comes crashing on to the deck. Apparently he had swallowed a whole bottle of the sleeping pills Tifa keeps on board. Like a maniac, Mojo takes the wheel and before I know it, we're on a collision course with the ground.~pause~ It gets kinda strange after that.   
Vincent: Is everyone all right?   
Cid: Yup, everything's fine. Except for Mojo. He dove off the side of the Highwind onto the ground and just ran off: arms flailing madly and screaming something about voices and fire.   
Seth: That's rabies for ya.   
Cid: That thing had rabies and you never told me?   
Seth: Whoops.   
Cid: I'm going to kill you!   
~Starts pounding on Seth~   
Barret: I'll get the popcorn   
Cloud: All right, Cid, kick his ass!!!   
  
  
  


The End =)

Author's Notes: First, I must thank all those people who wrote such nice reviews for my story, I hope everyone enjoys this one as well. Second, For those who don't know who Seth is, he brought Aeris back to life in one of my previous stories (Truth and Consequences), he is also married to her. Third, for anyone who might not think I'm a big Cloud/Aeris, don't worry. I'm thinking up a sequel for Truth and Consequences, it just might find Cloud and Aeris together. Bye!!!!


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